Shawn v Razor ft. The Ladder (II)

Shawn Michaels v Razor Ramon (Ladder Match) (Summerslam, 8/27/95)

Troops, I think I might kind of love this. I don't even think I liked it much the last time I saw it, which was probably about 10 years ago, but I thought it was mostly great this time. There's that anecdote about Vince not allowing them to do spots where they actively hit each other with the ladder, so, in a bit of a META sense, it means we, the internet wrestling fan viewers who are in on the whole thing to begin with, get a few bits where one of them will half feign doing it accidentally and, even though we all know it's on purpose, in this instance the workers aren't simply trying to work the audience, they're working the boss of the whole company! WE'RE BREAKIN' THE FOURTH WALL, BOYS! It basically translates to this in-ring story of them starting out sporting and friendly but becoming increasingly more hostile towards one another as the match goes on. And you can just tell that Vince is livid on commentary and staring a hole through them the way your granny used to when you'd feed your broccoli to the dog under the table. The first time Shawn hits Razor with the ladder he sells it like he genuinely didn't mean it, but then goes fuck it and tries to climb it anyhow. Later on Razor just drops it, very clearly intentionally, on Shawn's leg, then smiles and shrugs while a very large section of the male audience eat it up with a giant spoon. Vince: "Well...I don't know how much of an accident THAT was." First few minutes are really fun as they both tease hitting their finisher and do some decent babyface parity stuff, then get a wee bit chippy. Michaels takes one of the all-time screwball suplex from inside the ring to the floor bumps, though unfortunately they don't really play up the effects of it as much as you'd like. Middle part of the match with Razor going after the leg is like 10/10 stuff. Shawn doesn't really sell it much after he makes his comeback, so it doesn't have the lasting impact it could've, but in isolation it was awesome stuff. The initial spot where he about rips his ACL to bits getting tangled in the ladder looked brutal, then all of Razor's leg work hit perfectly. I know ladder matches have become an entirely different thing now and I'm probably veering into old man hurling abuse at clouds territory, but I'd love it if somebody just stripped everything back during a ladder match today and worked it closer to the middle of this match. Razor nonchalantly slamming Michaels leg-first on the ladder, slamming the ladder shut on the leg, picking him up and dropping the knee on the ladder, all of it was simple enough but it was rough as fuck, looked like it hurt like a bastard and Michaels sold it in the moment like it absolutely did. I'll also forever be a sucker for someone with a gammy leg being Irish whipped and just crumbling in a heap. And Razor working as subtle heel was fun in general. It of course endeared him to the sections of the audience you expect, so it made for a cool split crowd dynamic, especially after Michaels bares his arse from atop the ladder and the wimmenfolk go ballistic. That man would be a gay icon in WWE today and I so very wish we could transplant him into 2020 but I digress. After Michaels' comeback the match dips a level, but nothing drastic and they roll out some really cool stuff down the stretch, including a Michaels moonsault followed by an awesome missed crossbody. It all had a nice sense of escalation to it as well, both of them selling exhaustion well, some stuff looking ugly in the best way possible. Shawn superkicking Razor off the ladder would've been a pretty great finish if the belt wasn't hanging dang near off the roof. Both guys even said at the start it was too high. So I guess the finish is flubbed a bit and obviously we get one of the more famous Michaels temper tantrums, but I don't really care. Is this also the first ladder match where a second ladder is produced from under the ring? Nowadays there's literally dozens of them lying around the place so it's neat that Razor dragging out a second one felt like a big moment. Vince even questions the legality of it! Hot damn this ruled.

Piper Crashes Your Party, Pisses on Your Parade, Sips Syrup like it's Lemonade

Roddy Piper & Bob Orton Jr. v Paul Orndorff & Bruno Sammartino (WWF, 9/28/85) - GREAT

This was bananas. I don't know if it's no DQ or whatever but they spent a fair amount of this brawling around ringside, and then for the parts where they were actually in the ring it was just as wild. There wasn't a whole lot of structure; it was balls to the wall with a molten crowd, everybody disregarding the referee's instructions, coming in whenever they wanted to, it spilling to the floor several times, everything happening in that confined Spectrum space between the ring and the guardrail which gave it the feel of a prison riot. In fact this was way closer to one of your Memphis concession stand brawls than a WWF tag. Bruno still moved pretty well at this stage and I loved some of the quasi-dropkicks he'd throw from his back, or how he's use the turnbuckle to elevate and kick his opponent off. Piper tried to strange him with his shirt and wrist tape, Orton clobbered him with that big cast the athletic commissions clearly didn't give a damn about, then Orndorff would jump off the top rope to save him or chuck Orton clear over the steps and into the second row. Piper jabbed him with TWO amazing eye pokes and then gets javelined into the ring post. All it needed with a gallon of blood and we'd REALLY  be cooking, but I see there's a cage match a couple months later so maybe I'll get my wish after all. Piper's pre-match promo is so good even Rudman can't help but laugh like a goober.


Complete & Accurate Hot Rod

WWF's Tag Team GOLDEN Age! (Part 3)

The Islanders v Strike Force (MSG, 9/21/87)

This is the other Islanders/Strike Force match I hadn't seen and boy is it a doozy. Might be the best of their whole series, which is easily one of the best tag series of the 80s. The Islanders had attacked Santana on TV not long before this so Strike Force rush them at the bell and Fink has to practically tope himself to safety, so this is already eleven stars right out the gate. I love Heenan regrouping with his guys on the floor but leaving his hand on the apron to be stood on. I love him cradling that hand in agony only to make the same mistake with the other hand and have Tito make it a double. Tama takes the fucking grandaddy of all face-first slingshot bumps as Martel slingshots him from the apron clear into the middle of the ring, then he soars over the top rope off a dropkick and nearly wipes out a woman sitting by the guardrail. He is the very best of all time at being yanked out the corner by his legs and hurling himself in the air and the version of it here was crazy even for him. This was like when Vince Carter jumped clean over a Frenchman and dunked the rim off. We knew Carter was a transcendent dunker and we'd seen him jump out his shoes before, but that was even more ridiculous than usual. I also love the synergy between Tama and Haku. Tama is larger than life, full of energy, bumps and stooges to the back row every time. Haku is stoic, businesslike, sort of understated in his bumping but not afraid to go big when the situation calls for it. Gorilla refers to him as "big brother" and it feels like the perfect description of him. He was also laying it in something fierce and fucking wasted Tito with a thrust kick, just a complete temple-denter from nowhere. Structurally this was a wee bit different than usual. You had the great babyface shine, then the great heat segment, then the hot tag, but rather than going to the finish they had Haku cheapshot Martel off a roll-up and work another little segment with Martel in peril. It was an awesome few minutes, and if they stretched it out a bit longer leading to another hot tag it probably would've made for an incredible whole. Instead they went to the finish before Santana could get in again (though Haku's headbutt was a corker), which was maybe an anticlimax of sorts, but either way everything they did ruled and the feud that keeps on giving just keeps on giving.

The Heartbreak Kid! But OLD!

Shawn Michaels v Shelton Benjamin (RAW, 5/2/05)

I've been thinking for a minute about doing a deep dive on post-comeback Michaels. I haven't really watched any of that run since he retired so I guess ten years (it does not feel like ten years) is long enough for a fresh perspective. If this is anything to go by I'll probably like most of it fine because I thought this ruled. The opening few minutes are really cool with Shelton schooling Michaels using his amateur wrestling. Michaels has to force three rope breaks, the first time laughing it off, the second time getting a little more frustrated, then on the third he's clearly annoyed. Even when he tries to work the headlock he gets outQUICKED and maybe the old guy with the googly eyes calling himself the Heartbreak Kid isn't actually as spry as this track star with the legit background. It wasn't Shane McMahon outwrestling Kurt Angle, it was a little bit of fun to start a friendly contest that absolutely didn't go as intended. Shelton looks pretty great the whole way through and Michaels gave him a ton. Any time Michaels would just about grab an advantage, Shelton would do something hyper-athletic in response. Great bit where a Shelton clothesline sends them both to the floor, but where Michaels crashes hard Shelton lands on his feet and strolls back in the ring with a grin, then Michaels audibly shouts at the cameraman to get out of his face. Michaels attempts the superkick three times and Shelton either dodges or reverses it on all three occasions, the best being his counter into a big roundhouse kick. This is your old man Duncan/Manu/Parker Spurs getting eaten alive by a bunch of dudes beating them off the dribble and attacking the basket at will. Pop is going badger shit on the bench but they're still hanging in there because they're the Spurs and that's what they do. Then the young guys overextend, Duncan blocks what everybody's expecting to be a highlight dunk and Manu ices it at the line. Finish is wonderful. I already hate myself for playing this card but it feels like most of the dumping on it is because it's Michaels doing it and he's a shitty actor with bad chops and easy to despise. "Oh it was a cool spot and everything but why would Shelton do a springboard from there in the first place? It's too contrived, obviously it's only there so Michaels can hit a big superkick." Bruh. Half the match was Shelton being this young and outrageously gifted athlete doing outrageously athletic shit to maintain an advantage. WWE trotted him out every Wrestlemania specifically so he'd do it in a ladder match. That was his whole thing! It would make less sense if he DIDN'T springboard from there! He's young and overextends and blammo, the veteran catches him slipping. There's a reason Derrick Rose never put Tim Duncan on a poster.

WWF's Tag Team GOLDEN Age! (Part 2)

Dream Team v Can-Am Connection (MSG, 1/19/87)

This is basically your Dream Team farewell tour as they'd EXPLODE a couple months later at Wrestlemania and Beefcake would randomly show up and cut Adrian Adonis' hair and turn babyface. I don't think anybody is ever going to go to the wall for Brutus being a lost great worker or anything, but the more I watch of the Dream Team the more I'm inclined to think he was mostly alright in a tag setting. Valentine being his partner helped, probably. Anyway this was really good, with a nice energetic shine segment and a couple rock solid FIP segments. Valentine was badass in this and I really wish we got a lengthy Valentine/Martel series because it could've been right around Valentine/Tito level. The transition into Martel in peril ruled; there was no nonsense, no chicanery, it was just Valentine, his arm hammerlocked, picking Martel up and dropping him throat-first across the top rope. I absolutely love the bit where Martel drops drops him with a punch, and as Greg falls back he grabs hold of Martel's wrist to drag him back to the heel corner (he also legscissors the leg to keep Martel in place as he tags in Brutus). Zenk gets clobbered with a nasty clothesline to kick off his heat segment, and it was a step down from Martel's but still good stuff. I'll always love the spot where someone will bridge up repeatedly, which will prompt the opponent to try and slam their whole weight on top of them only to take a pair of knees to the wee man downstairs. All of the Dream Team distraction spots coming back to bite them at the finish was great as well and Martel doing his slingshot splash will always be a treat.


Hart Foundation v The Rockers (MSG, 11/25/89)

Is this the best match between these teams? I'm sure I've seen all the ones that are out there but they sort of blend together at this point. This was pretty great, though. It was also a tremendous Hitman performance, not so much in what he did but rather in how he did it and the way he carried himself. Basically every move he hit looked great. I guess his ability to do that sometimes gets lost on us (or me) because his nickname is the Excellence of Execution and we (or I) maybe just assume it was a carny slogan. Knowing Bret like we know him he obviously took pride in actually living up to it. Everything he did that looks good anyway was a little extra crisp, a little sharper than usual. The missed moves or strikes looked like he fully intended to connect on them, including one missed elbow drop that would've caved in Jannetty's face. Even something simple like being caught in a sunset flip out the corner looked better just because he made a point of grabbing the ropes to try and prevent it. The match starts with everyone on even footing and we get a few really fun exchanges from every possible match-up. Neidhart and Michaels in particular were rolling out cool stuff, Anvil's big meaty shoulderblocks, Shawn having to use his quickness, Shawn trying a slam, Anvil laughing it off before hoisting Shawn up instead, Shawn rolling through into a small package. The Harts take over when Michaels is hitting the ropes and Bret catches him with a knee, but I liked how they'd already strung together some offence on him before that (including a really nice inverted atomic drop from Bret). The cheapshot felt unnecessary because they'd already managed to establish some control, but it positioned the Hart Foundation as subtle heels; not the sort of heels who NEEDED to use the cheapshot...just the sort who wanted to. Michaels' heat segment was strong, although maybe not as focused as you'd expect. The Harts kind of work the back initially and Anvil goes to the bearhug, then he goes to the front facelock, then later Bret starts working the chinlock. The latter was an especially weird choice just because they'd already gotten the heat past the point where you'd actually need it. On the other hand Bret DRILLING Michaels with European uppercuts was amazing so who cares about a dumb chinlock? Jannetty's hot tag leads to him taking a nutso cross body bump over the top, and that basically kicks us off on the run to the finish. Big finishing runs with 2.999 counts is one of the last things I'd associate with 80s WWF, but this was a great little finishing run and they really milked every nearfall, some getting a huge reaction from a crowd that expected a 3 count. Maybe you could say they peaked a little early on their way to the time limit, but it's a minor quibble.

WWF's Tag Team GOLDEN Age! (Part 1)

I went down the rabbit hole a bit the other night and watched a solid chunk of mid- to late-80s WWF tags. I think a lot of that stuff is more decent than great, but at least they had a pretty consistently awesome roster of teams for a minute there. I feel like seeing just how GOLDEN that era really was. How does it stack up against Crockett from the same period? How does it compare to mid-2000s or Shield era WWE? How many new Islanders matches can I find? I suppose we can try and find out.


The Islanders v Strike Force (Boston Gardens, 10/3/87)

This is one of the Islanders/Strike Force matches I couldn't find when I went through all of them a few years ago. Naturally I was giddy because it meant there was some new Tama footage and naturally I was rewarded with something awesome, because Tama is the very best. This was maybe shorter than you'd like, but at the same time they worked at a fair clip and it never felt like they were hamstrung by the time (plus 13 minutes is more than enough for these guys to make magic with). Early shine segment rules. Tama takes his GOAT face-first slingshot bump and then his wild bump off a dropkick where he flies over the top rope and then clear over the barricade. He hops up a bazillion feet in the air for a leapfrog but Tito scouts it, waits for him to come back down to earth and pops him with a right hand. They go Martel in peril when he bumps heads with Haku, which might ordinarily feel like a somewhat anticlimactic transition spot but then you remember Haku is from the great Kingdom of Tonga and this is the professional wrestling so his skull is made of chromium. The Islanders beatdown is great. They run a bunch of switcheroos behind the ref's back and choke Martel, Tama untying the tag rope and wrapping it around Martel's throat while he's halfway out the ring, plus Haku will just chop him in the throat. Haku's a guy with a killer shoulderbreaker and this one looked like it about snapped Martel's clavicle. Tama working the apron is a joy. He's such a prick, riling up fans after taking a cheapshot, spitting on Tito, basking in the jeers. Haku missing a big flip senton was a cool lead-in to the hot tag and the Islanders pulling more switcheroo bullshit totally worked as a finish, especially after Santana's flying forearm would've put it beyond doubt otherwise. I now want to watch every Islanders/Strike Force match all over again.


Hart Foundation v Fabulous Rougeaus (Philadelphia Spectrum, 8/27/88)

This wasn't amazing, but it was good and had some really amusing horse shit from the Rougeaus. Their obnoxious nice guy routine was always pretty fun in general, how they were so in your face about how genuine they were that you hoped someone would smack them already. Jacques is determined to get a handshake from Bret and he's like one of those dickheads who's just been launched out the pub for being overly drunk and steaming, but he won't let it go until the bouncer shakes his hand. "Just shake my hand and that'll be the end of it, mate. Look, I'm not even starting anything, mate, just shake my hand and we're good." Raymond and Anvil have a little game of one-upmanship early that ends with Anvil hitting a dropkick, which kind of took everybody aback. Bret comes in and flicks his wet hair in Raymond's face and both Rougeaus mob the ref. Bret came off as the coolest guy in the building here just because of how little gave a shit about the Rougeaus' nonsense. Jacques does a series of kip-ups and Bret gives him a little golf clap, then when Jacques winds up in the Harts corner Bret - the babyface - starts blatantly choking him with the tag rope and dickishly whipping him in the face with it. Shades of grey! Maybe it was the Hitman who truly ushered in the Attitude Era. When the Rougeaus take over they drop the charade and work over Bret's lower back/midsection. It's not Midnight Express level but it's more than passable and they generate nice heat, so that'll work. Jacques' sell of an inverted atomic drop is wonderful and I love that he continued selling his privates even after he tagged out. I don't feel like my opinion of the Hart Foundation is likely to change at this point, but I've never given much thought to the Rougeaus and how they stack up to the other teams of the era. I'll check out those Rockers matches again because I think I dug them whenever I last watched them. 

Flair v Garvin (IN THE CAGE!)

Ric Flair v Ron Garvin (Cage Match) (JCP, 3/29/86)

Man, this is up there with anything these two have ever done together. I'd never seen it before, never even knew it exited, and after finally getting around to the 12/85 studio match last year I figured I'd watched all the Flair v Garvin I'd ever need to watch. Yet here's this handcam from the Greensboro Coliseum where they both bloody each other up for half an hour and practically all of it is captured from the perfect camera angle. Every exchange felt like a Flair/Garvin exchange, which meant you could almost hear the thwack on every chop even over the rabid crowd (and a gentleman in close proximity to our cameraperson - or perhaps he himself is our cameraperson - who was very much a Ric Flair guy and very not a "hedgehog Garvin" guy). Flair is always really fun at selling surprise when an opponent drops him early on, like he can't believe someone would treat the champion of the world like that even though the champion of the world is kind of a dickhead and absolutely deserves to be punched in the mouth. With Garvin it's less surprise and more palpable contempt. He fully expects Garvin to punch him in the mouth but it won't stop him from hating that little Canadian to death. I love Garvin just grabbing Flair by the nose and measuring a punch. I love how they don't tie up as much as grab each other by the throat. It's all nasty and rough and obviously they lay it in until they're four shades of purple. Flair taking over by kneeing Garvin in the balls was amazing and it set up a doubly amazing payback spot later, which bled into a triply amazing example of Flair getting slammed off the top rope. Garvin gets cut open pretty quick and this was very much vicious Flair coming to the party. He'd woo now and then but for the most part he was focused on grinding Garvin's forehead through the cage, less about the strutting and taking him to school, more about making him regret ever coming for the belt. Rather than take the comedy bump after Tommy Young shoves him Flair just wiped his blood-soaked hands on Young's shirt. You know Garvin is going to come back and you know Flair is going to bleed. You know Garvin is going to punch him in the cut and bite his forehead and shred his face across the cage, but that revenge punt to the balls was just perfection. Flair frantically trying to climb out the cage, Garvin yanking him back and exposing his bare white keister, the forearm uppercut to the crown jewels, the slam off the top while Flair's trunks are half down; also perfection. I'm mostly over Flair taking his signature bumps every time out but the slam off the top has never been set up better than it was here. Finish is great as well. Flair takes over again with the shin breaker, then he works the leg for a bit and goes to the figure-four. Garvin weathers the storm and you'll never guess what he does in response but if by some miracle you guessed "kick the living shit out of him" then I'm sorry I ever doubted you. He drops Flair with the fist of stone and Flair lucks out by getting his foot on the rope. Garvin picks him up to do it again, Flair throws a couple punches to Garvin's leg and hits a cross body, Gavin catches him but the leg gives out under him, and as they topple Flair lucks out again, this time by using the same ropes to leverage the pin. This was shit hot. 

Bock v Hennig - The Broadway!

Nick Bockwinkel v Curt Hennig (AWA, 11/15/86)

I watched this over ten years ago and thought it had a great first half and a good second half. A ****1/4 affair, if you will (prolly). This time I thought it was all pretty great and not a chore to sit through at all, which perhaps unfortunately in my old age has become the single most important component of my viewing enjoyment for any match longer than like 18 minutes. But I mean, this is a whole entire 60 minutes and I was engaged from beginning to end. It's a pretty easy story to follow, not one you won't have seen before if the wrestling you've seen in your stupid life includes just about any Ric Flair touring broadway. Bockwinkel is babyface and, other than a quick dropkick at the opening bell (which felt more wily than dirty), he works like it for about half an hour. He works from above more than Flair usually would, but either way he's respecting and not taking shortcuts or doing any of the questionable shit we usually associate with him. Then the longer it goes where he can't shake Hennig he starts to dip into his old bag of tricks, starts to work way more surly, uses the ropes now and then, grabs the trunks, not overtly acting like a dickhead but you know what they say about a tiger and its stripes. Matwork in that first half is super high end for mid-80s US matwork. It's really tight, they don't sit inactive in holds, they target a body part but it feels fluid and they'll adjust where they need to. Bock will work a really snug headlock (this was some excellent headlock-working), Hennig will try for the headscissors, then he'll move to the arm, Bock will shift focus and go for the leg, it was all pretty awesome. They sell the cumulative damage and they throw in lots of cool little subtleties, like Bock using the ring post to stretch out his arm and Hennig draws attention to his leg basically the entire match. In the back half they start moving away from the matwork and things get a bit more frenzied. The violence gets bumped up a notch too. Bock acts more like the Bockwinkel we know and roughs up Hennig, but then Hennig comes back and gives as good as he gets. You get the sense Bock won't be able to shake him and pretty soon he's fully on the ropes. I love how he keeps asking the timekeeper for updates on how long is left. The King of the Mountain segment feels desperate as well and he gets to the point where you can see he'd absolutely take that count out without a worry. Last ten minutes or so with Hennig bleeding are great and his blood loss selling rules. He's on his last legs but he has youth on his side and he even manages to mount a comeback. In the end Bockwinkel hangs on by surviving the figure-four, but it feels like Hennig is either a few more minutes or a slight tweak in strategy away from winning the belt. This was Federer/Nadal at Wimbledon 2007. The Man held on and took home the title, but you could tell it was only a matter of time before Nadal would beat him on the stage Federer made his own. Pretty good candidate for best AWA match ever, even if I'm more inclined to lean with your blood- and guts-fests like Midnight Rockers v Rose and Somers.

Telling Rude Sad Stories, Now She Only Fucks with the Funk

Rude v Funk...did that ever happen?


Terry Funk v Lanny Poffo (WWF, 7/13/85)

Sometimes I watch something like this and wonder if I'll ever get bored of it. You know, the shtick or the wrestlers or what they're doing or...you know, whatever. I love Tenryu being a bastard and kicking people in the eye. I love Fuerza acting like a dipshit and feigning being punched in the willy. I love Funk running riot and doing everything he does in this match. But what if that was ALL I could watch? What if I could never watch anything else? What if, for whatever reason, this was all the universe had to offer? Would I get fed up? Would I pine for the Kenny Omegas and Will Ospreays of the world, just for something a little different? I could never say for sure and I hope such a scenario never occurs, but I do feel pretty confident that the answer is no. I don't think I will ever get bored of Tenryu kicking people in the eye or Fuerza feigning being punched in the willy or Terry Funk being Terry Funk. This was very much Terry Funk being Terry Funk, btw. Obviously it ruled like fuck. Before the match even starts he picks a fight with the ring attendant and whips him in the face with his chaps. He does this with several people not involved in the match over the course of the thing. A cameraman gets spat on because he happened to be in the way. Finkel almost gets knocked off the apron as Funk shakes the ropes so hard and old Howard just looks at him like "ffs mate can you maybe not bother?" The ref' (technically not involved) gets shoved for counting too slow, but then when Funk realises he's fucked up he swiftly begs for forgiveness. His whole performance was crazy Funk to a tee, but you had that little pinch of comedy with the bumps. He also has this amazing aura where even the most potentially ludicrous things could plausibly happen because it's him who's attempting them. Usually if you're watching a match at MSG in 1985 and someone tries to suplex an opponent from inside the ring to the concrete you think it's obviously getting reversed. Surely, right? Who would actually do that, you know? Then Funk tries it and you wonder if maybe it'll happen after all. And then he actually does it! His stooging was impeccable. He almost falls though the ropes several times and when Poffo does his little backflip early on Funk has this amazing "what the hell is going on here?" reaction. Poffo hits a bunch of crazy acrobat stuff for 1985 and by the end people are just losing their shit; for the moonsault, the hurricanrana, the awesome spot where he leg presses Funk in the corner, basically every bit of offence he can muster. Ultimately you know how it's going to play out, but there's that tiny bit of hope that Poffo will escape the sleeper and bamboozle Funk long enough to do the impossible. After the match Funk brands him with the branding iron and then, branding iron raised high, shouts "SYMBOLIC!" I mean how could you ever possibly get bored of that?


Rick Rude v Ultimate Warrior (Summerslam, 8/28/89)

There's a twitter account entirely dedicated to Rick Rude taking atomic drops so I have spent a goodly amount of time the last couple days - too much, if I'm honest with myself - watching clips of Rick Rude taking atomic drops. I also watched this very wrestling match, and I thought it was borderline great, and probably one of the best WWF matches of the 80s (like...top 30 or so?). Rude was pretty sensational and it's easily one of Warrior's best performances, even if I imagine everything was tied together by Patterson. Warrior's early control is fun and he chucks Rude around the place, and we get a couple bits of Rick Rude taking atomic drops, then Rude takes over when he crotches Warrior on the top turnbuckle. Usually a spot like that - where a wrestler does something they wouldn't normally do just for the sake of it setting up something else in the match, in this case the big transition - will feel a bit out of place, but it worked fine here because Warrior had already come off the top earlier with a big ax handle. It wasn't someone who never attempts a powerbomb trying to powerbomb Kidman just so Kidman can reverse a powerbomb. It was a wrestler on the big stage going for broke more times than is smart and his opponent taking advantage of it. Rude works the back and it's about as compelling as you're likely to get with Warrior, who I thought was really solid selling it all. Eventually we get a ref' bump and the finishing run is way bigger than I remembered. Rude kicks out of a huge piledriver in a great nearfall, then after he gets the knees up on a big splash he hits a fucking Ganso Bomb (and then later another perfect piledriver)! They never ditched the selling in favour of hitting moves either, which is a plus. I like the Piper involvement at the end because a) it keeps Rude stronger in defeat by giving him a plausible out, and b) why would I not get a kick out of Roddy Piper flashing his bare arse as a distraction spot? Huge pop for the finish and post-match Piper calls Heenan a eunuch. Maybe top 30 is too low.

The Good, the Bad and the Rowdy

Roddy Piper v Ric Flair (Mid-Atlantic, 1/1/83) - EPIC

I'm not sure how JIP'd this is, and as it is I'm not sure it's a great match, but it is a fucking rampage of a Piper performance and I loved every second of it (we get about 12 minutes and I'd be shocked if it went substantially longer as a whole). Flair gets pretty much nothing here. A few sneaky knees to the gut (or perhaps lower), a couple failed figure-four attempts, a chop or two and that's about the extent of it. I don't even know how many times in recent years I've said I'm more interested in Flair on the offensive at this point, but the crowd wanted Piper to maul him and maul him he did. And this was some really good back-pedaling, scared for his life Flair. His punches were wild and missing by feet rather than inches, not so much because he was bad at making it look like he was trying to connect, but because he was swinging in any direction and hoping against hope that he might connect with something. It didn't look like those punches overshooting Piper's head were INTENDED to be missed punches; it looked like he was so loopy he had no control over them whatsoever. Piper's flurries were some of the best he's ever thrown, those jabs, the big hooks, his unnecessary head bob coming off almost mockingly because there was not a chance in hell Flair was retaliating with anything. He picks Flair up by the throat, rams his head into the post, tries to yank his nose off, bites the cut, grinds Flair's face into the mat (as revenge for Flair and Valentine doing it to him in the lead up), it was a total curb-stomping. His eye poke was a thing of beauty and a little different than usual, as this time he did it with only the index finger while Flair was lying face up on the mat, the finger dropping straight down into the eye, and then it looked like he tried to gouge the whole eye out! Piper applying the figure-four obviously drew a huge pop but the reaction for the sleeper was off the charts. The longer it went along as what was basically an extended squash you knew Flair was stealing it in the end, but there was that part of me hoping for Piper to put him away. Even some sort of Dusty finish just to see the initial reaction. Piper is about as fresh an opponent for Flair as I'll find at this stage of the game so I would be very okay if several more iterations of them doing this were to show up.


Complete & Accurate Hot Rod

Was Born Rough and Rugged, Addressing the Mass Public Tenryu's Attitude was "Fuck It"

Genichiro Tenryu v Yuji Nagata (New Japan, 8/8/04) - GREAT

I don't even like Nagata and this has some real Dream Match energy (I assume this is something the youths say). If nothing else Nagata has charisma and a big personality so worst case scenario he'll be an interesting foil, and other than one useless fighting spirit bit I thought he was really enjoyable. He was as cool as you like and wasn't down for playing Tenryu's game, not at this point, not smack in the middle of his prime, not against the old man who seems to thrive on rolling into town just to stir shit up. It wasn't for Tenryu's lack of trying either. He brushed his shoulder off early and tried to goad Nagata into a Tenryu fight, but all it got him was a swift kicking and a trip to the floor. When he chucked a chair in the ring a less assured man might've risen to the bait, but instead Nagata planted it in the middle and had a seat. He even held the ropes open for Tenryu and if you never knew then that Tenryu was for dishing out some blissful receipts then you haven't watched much Tenryu. The brainbuster on the floor to take over looked super nasty and then his punt to the head afterwards was grotesque. All of his chops and punches ruled, his straight right to the cheekbone while both of them were on their knees maybe the best of the lot. Nagata's comeback was looking like a really nice slow burner, how he tried to fire back with strikes, reversing a brainbuster into a small package, chipping away without properly wresting back control. Then he took a top rope hurricanrana and no sold it completely and oh okay I guess we're back to even footing again. Didn't reverse it, didn't look like he "rolled through," he landed flush like anybody else taking it and just...stood up and now it's the finishing stretch. I know he was one of the top dogs in New Japan, and I know Tenryu was the ageing underdog, but still, that kinda sucked. Though on the other hand he DID follow it up with one of the best running knees you'll see so maybe we take the good with the bad. Tenryu taking a backdrop on his neck at over half a century years old seems like something most people wouldn't do. And who could blame them?


Complete & Accurate Tenryu

Friday FUTEN!

Daisuke Ikeda & Takeshi Ono v Kengo Mashimo & Hikaru Sato (FUTEN, 1/22/12)

I'll tell you one thing this wasn't - a by god monkey show. I can't remember where I read this now, or if I'm even correct on who said it, but years ago I read an excerpt from a John Mayer interview where he was describing the song 'Little Wing' by the Jimi Hendrix Experience. He said something along the lines of it being like a lost relative visiting you in a dream and how you'd wake up wishing those two minutes could last forever. Sort of a morbid thing to bring up during these times, I suppose, but watching this today it was what came to mind. FUTEN is - or was - that promotion that would show up a few times a year, be completely awesome, then disappear into the ether. And it's not just that this was tremendous - it was tremendous in a way that we're not always used to. It was outrageously stiff and everybody hammered everybody else; the key tenets of your Battlarts/FUTEN philosophy remained intact, but for large parts it had Team Taco playing underdog. You're used to Ikeda as wrecking ball and Ono will always be hyper aggressive, but this time Mashimo and Sato had it all scouted and for the first half of the match they more or less dominated. Ono/Sato started it out and you could just sense Ikeda itching to come in and whack someone. He's pacing the apron, he's halfway through the ropes a few times, and at one point Ono even gave him the thumbs up that he had things well in hand. It wasn't even Ikeda who threw the first cheapshot, it was Sato, and it was directed at Ikeda himself. Mashimo went and got the better of him in their exchange and you start to wonder when Ikeda takes matters into his own hands. Then about halfway in we get a lengthy Ikeda/Sato pairing. This was six minutes of insanity, usually Ikeda's bread and butter, except this time Sato had an answer for everything. You keep thinking Ikeda's going to remember who he is and kill him and then Sato will just completely rip his face off with a slap (legitimately one of the wildest slaps I've ever seen). And good grief the headbutt section. Ikeda laughing and muttering something ("do you even know who I am?" probably) when Sato retaliates was incredible, but damn if he didn't go headbutt for headbutt and maybe even come out the victor! Ono/Mashimo to round us out was serious top drawer FUTEN finishing stretch material and it continued the theme of the veterans coming up short. Mashimo countering a high kick with a leg sweep looked brutal (no seriously), but Ono's knee to the back of the head and following uppercut was a fucking absurdity. Even in a year of Lesnar/Cena and Panther/Casas this might be MOTY. We one and all miss FUTEN.