It's a Seedy WAR Midcard Extravaganza

Koki Kitahara v Hiromichi Fuyuki (WAR, 4/2/95)

Very much the sort of mangy close-quarters potatofest you want from these two. Kitahara is bandaged up around the midsection and fights an uphill battle against Fuyuki and his minions in their red pyjamas, like Hogan stepping against the entire Heenan Family. Within a minute blood is trickling from Kitahara's forehead, a result of them grabbing each other by the hair and throwing headbutts. It spills to the floor and Fuyuki whomps Kitahara with a chair so hard that I guess the latter bit his own tongue, because he crawls back in the ring bleeding from both forehead and mouth. Fuyuki was a shrieking menace and threw brutal lariats, coconut headbutts and vicious slaps. When Kitahara was pushed past breaking point he would retaliate in the nastiest ways possible, the best example being the wildest spin kick I think I've ever seen. It landed flush on Fuyuki's face and it sounded like someone had waffled him with a cricket bat. Towards the end the bottom ring rope gets taken apart and used as a weapon, then Gedo sprays half a can of deodorant in Kitahara's face from about four inches away and I can't believe Kitahara never puked. The seedy WAR midcard extravaganza truly cannot be beaten. 

The 2002 Eddie Guerrero Return Tour Continues

Eddie Guerrero & Chris Benoit v The Rock & Edge (Smackdown!, 8/1/02)

Kind of a weird layout here, with two decently long FIP segments and very little babyface control, then a short finishing run after the second hot tag. You'd think Rock would at least get to go on a bit of a tear out the gate, but instead they basically went straight into a heat segment on him. Eddie and Benoit work very INTENSELY and even if it's sort of trite or played out as a talking point about Benoit, he really did bring an almost unmatched INTENSITY to everything he did. I don't really want to talk about Chris Benoit though, so instead I will take that intensity talking point and apply it to the context of Eddie Guerrero being INTENSE. Tazz on commentary mentions this as well and it really is very noticeable. He definitely came back from that sabbatical with no intention of ever being saddled in an angle where he takes Chyna to the prom ever again. A very angry man. The heat segment on Edge was probably the better of the two peril sections, a little more focused with Eddie and Benoit working over the lower back. My favourite part of this was Eddie crushing him with a hilo to the spine as Edge was struggling to get to his hands and knees. Edge's spear looked much better in 2002 than it did when he started using it as an actual finisher. Maybe I'll like that Edge/Eddie no DQ match more now than I did the last time. This was good stuff. 

Territory Road Trip: Midnights and the Rider

Midnight Express v The James Boys (World Championship Wrestling, 5/3/86)

I've written a decent amount of words on this here nonsense blog about 1986 Jim Crockett Promotions. I've written about five-minute throwaway studio bouts, long showcase arena bouts, and most of what falls in between. I'm sure I've mentioned at least once that Crockett's booking in '86, at least through the first five months of the year and you can extend that start point back into the last quarter of '85, is about as well-booked as you can get for a wrestling promotion. They had a stacked roster with some of the all-time best in the ring and all-time best on THE STICK~ (many who were both) and basically every feud up and down the card felt meaningful. Pez Whatley felt like the biggest bastard on the planet because he cut Jimmy Valiant's ponytail and I can't remember ever thinking about Pez Whatley for more than six seconds any other time. At the top of the card you had a revolving door of guys you could slot into main events, basically all of whom being involved in multiple feuds and conflicts without it ever feeling contrived or confusing. By this point in the year Flair was feuding with Dusty, who was feuding with Tully, who still had beef with Magnum TA, who was in a war with the Russians, who were embroiled in another war with the Road Warriors, who were after the Midnight Express, who were still locked in their eternal feud with the Rock n Roll Express, who were out for revenge on Flair because the Horsemen tried to deform Ricky Morton. Then a few weeks earlier the Midnights got a bug up their butt about Dusty and Magnum, who were going by America's Team. The latter wanted a title shot and Cornette was having none of it because they weren't a REAL team and they hadn't beaten anybody. Things then got nuclear at the end of April, when the MX battered Dusty with Cornette's tennis racket on TV, and when Baby Doll tried to intervene Cornette walloped her as well. It got insane heat and Cornette ranting like a maniac afterwards while Dusty cradled Baby Doll in his arms was near riot material. 

Which brings us to this bit of top drawer wrestling telly. Baby Doll speaks with Schiavone before the match about how she's doing well and that she got involved last week out of instinct. Cornette is about as contrite as you'd expect. "I'm disappointed your injuries prevented you from running in the Kentucky Derby this weekend." The Midnights have a match scheduled against some team called the James Boys, whoever the hell they are, so Cornette says it'll be a fine tune-up match. And if Dusty and Magnum ever want a title shot, they still need to actually BEAT someone. The Midnights are in the ring ready to go and the Allman Brothers' 'Midnight Rider' starts playing over the studio speakers. To begin with Cornette looks around like "what is this shit, just hurry up already," while some folks in the crowd clap along. And then two guys in black masks, cowboy hats and trench coats hit the ring and everyone and their granny knows what's up. Everybody involved in this was amazing, from the four guys in the ring to Cornette on the floor to Schiavone at the desk. It might be my favourite Tony Schiavone call ever. Every week on World Championship Wrestling Tony has to endure Cornette's whining and insults and general horse shit. Every single week, yet he's a professional and like water off a duck's back he gets on with it, the perfect wrestling straight man. The Rock n Roll Express are teeny boppers, the Road Warriors and stupid, Dusty's fat and Magnum's a hillbilly. Jim Crockett Sr has a vendetta against the Midnight Express. Bob Caudle's an alcoholic. Tony never rises to any of it. But you could tell he was loving this and I thought it was brilliant how he called the match as if he DIDN'T know who was under those masks. Cornette is beside himself, running from the ring to the desk and back again, ranting and raving the whole time. "That's Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA, you gotta be an idiot! Ray Charles could see it!" Magnum is wearing a vest with bazookas for arms and his blond curls sticking out under the mask, Dusty could be covered head to toe and you'd know it was him because he just radiates Dusty, but Schiavone just plays it off like they're a pair of ham n eggers. "Wow, these James Boys can really wrestle." I think he even refers to them as Frank and Jesse James which sends Cornette off the deep end. And the actual work inside the ring ruled too. You can usually gauge the seriousness of a situation by how quickly Dennis Condrey removes his little bowtie and he did not wrestle one second of this studio match bowtie'd up. Eaton bumps like a headcase and takes an atomic drop straight into a Dusty elbow on the floor, which he then flip bumps off of. The MX eventually take over on Magnum when Eaton just goes fuck it and jumps off the top rope with an axe handle. When they string together some offence - and it's great offence, properly vicious and they don't give Magnum a second to breathe - Cornette shouts about how they tried to hornswoggle the Midnight Express but now it's them who are doing the hornswoggling. We don't get much of a build to the finish as Dusty just sort of comes in and America's Team hit stereo belly-to-bellies, but it's hard to ask for much more from a match-slash-angle and the pop for the pin is incredible. Baby Doll coming back out ready to bullwhip Cornette into oblivion was also phenomenal and then Schiavone seems none the wiser as to the identity of Frank James despite him having maybe the most distinctive voice in the history of wrestling. This whole thing was twelve stars, and if I watched it live and they advertised an America's Team v Midnight Express match in my area they would've had my money in an instant.