Sunday, 16 September 2012

"You think I'm fake? I ain't fake. I'll tear your fuckin' eye out!"

So I was watching Schneider Comp #21 today, and there's a segment on it where Tracey Smothers basically causes an arena-wide riot at an IWA-MS show from 2002.

It's amazing. Smothers is just out of this world great. There's a match with Bobby Eaton and somebody else going on and Smothers hits the scene to jump Eaton. And all motherfucking hell breaks loose. Bunch of wrestlers come down to try and pull Smothers and Eaton apart, so Smothers starts laying into everybody. I don't even know who half the guys are, but Smothers punches them in the throat, slaps them, kicks them, punches them in the eye, the whole nine. It's just a masterclass in drunken belligerence (I don't think he's drunk, but think drunk guy trying to start fights with people and not listening to anybody trying to talk him down -- that's basically Tracey here, only coherent). Adam Gooch tries to settle him so Tracey punches him in the eyeball. He offers Hero a handshake, then when Hero takes it Tracey clocks him. Holds his hands up like he's calm and that's it done, then the first guy that comes close gets knuckled in the eye. "Fuckin' motherfuckers, fuck all of you." He's just walking around the building kicking over chairs and tables and flipping people off, calling them 'motherfuckers' and 'douchebags' and threatening to kill people. Some meth headed bitch in the crowd swings a bat or something at him and Tracey grabs it, and I thought for sure he was going to crack her. Chick's boyfriend gets involved and you've got wrestlers stepping between them, but you know Tracey would maul him anyway. "You think this is fake? This ain't fuckin' fake, I'll fuckin' kill all of you." He gets in the ring and starts verbally abusing everybody while nobody will come within five feet of him. "Bring that bitch back in here, I'll fuckin' kill her. Fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck all y'all. Fuck you. Fuck everybody. You think I'm fake? Get in the ring and I'll show you how fake I am, I'll tear your fuckin' eye out." Some guy in the crowd whips his shirt off and has the most amazing fat belly I've ever seen. Smothers -- "Get in the ring, I'll fuckin' kill you." Dude stares at Smothers and PUTS HIS CIGARETTE OUT ON HIS OWN ARM. I paused the DVD for like five minutes while I laughed uncontrollably. Then Eaton hits the scene again and it all kicks back off between him and Smothers. Ian Rotten gets on the mic and calls Smothers a "fuckin' nut." There's some guy lying on the ground and as Smothers is walking back to the ring he just stomps on his head. People are wondering what the fuck is going on, standing around with a look of sheer bewilderment. Eventually Ian and Smothers wind up in the ring and THEY start fighting, then as Smothers is finally ready to leave the scene Eaton shows up again and fucks him in the head with a chair. And we're back at it again. People scatter, Eaton and Smothers punch each other, other wrestlers get stomped on. Commentator -- "They're comin' my way so I'm gettin' the fuck outta here." Smothers finally leaves (he walks away flipping everybody off), then two minutes later he comes back and punches someone else, then Eaton and him go at it AGAIN. Seriously, Smothers is just indescribably awesome here. Wreaking absolute havoc. Fucking tremendous segment. Everybody send Goodhelmet some dollars for this comp. The whole thing is worth it for this alone.

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