Tuesday 22 February 2022

Territory Road Trip: Texas When I Die

Kevin Von Erich v Chris Adams (No DQ, Gino Hernandez in a Cage) (WCCW, 9/2/85)

Imagine how much hair was torn out by health and safety boards across the country in the 1970s and 80s whenever they caught wind of a "person locked in a cage" match at one of the stupid pro wrestling shows. Some poor bastard locked in a too-small cage thirty feet in the air, hoisted up there in the first place by six people pulling on a rope, the rope then held in place with a fisherman's knot anchored around a stack of chairs partially bolted to the floor. Gino couldn't even stand fully upright in this particular cage, had to ask the small handful of people in charge of raising him to the ceiling to hold on for a second so he could say something on the house mic, then the thing never stopped swaying around when it was actually up in the air. I'm pretty sure people were still sitting directly underneath it, like a cage with a person in it hanging over their heads was just an everyday thing. This was the lead in to the double hair match between the Von Erichs and Dynamic Duo, so of course the heat was nuclear and everyone was completely fucking rabid. It actually started out a little cleaner than you'd think. The intensity was high, but Kevin never went straight for the throat and instead worked the body scissors. And Kevin Von Erich has a great body scissors, the way he'll lift the recipient up and drop them back down hard, really squeeze as hard as possible. Before long it spills to the floor and the last few minutes are manic. Adams was really awesome at desperately fighting out of what Kevin threw at him, and then being vicious in response. Kevin would try for a piledriver and Adams would smash him in the ears by bringing his knees together, then he started choking Kevin with the microphone chord and jabbing the whole microphone into his throat. Adams was not the least bit interested in enduring the claw for the fourteen-thousandth time since he's been in Texas, but Kevin wasn't for giving it up and I loved the bit where he basically dragged Adams into the middle of the ring with the claw hand. You knew Gino would get involved at some point, and it's Texas and there's a Von Erich in there so you probably knew it would backfire, and the finish and post-match scene was insanity. Gino gets his SWANK suit torn to pieces but he and Adams manage to stuff Kevin in the cage (which was lowered to the ring through no small amount of effort by referees and Kevin himself), then Gino whips out scissors and tries to cut Kevin's hair! The fight over the scissors after Kerry hits the ring is borderline terrifying and I'm kind of surprised nobody wound up stabbed. I remember the hair match being awesome so I'll maybe watch it again later. Maybe. 


Michael Hayes v Buddy Roberts (WCCW, 5/13/88)

Remember there was a time when Michael Hayes was not only NOT considered the best Freebird, but actively considered the WORST Freebird? What a ridiculous world we lived in. The DVDVR Texas set was quite the eye-opener for me, as prior to that I had always considered Gordy to be the best wrestler of the Freebirds by a distance, while Hayes was the promo guy (an incredible promo guy, but still). I have been wrong many times in my long and foolish life and I was very wrong about Michael P.S. Hayes. Because Hayes was the godking of the ten-minute bar fight, the rabid cage match or strap match, where he would try and claw someone's eyes out when it became apparent that he couldn't weasel his way out of a fight. He was a cornered animal and hell mend whoever did the cornering (usually a Von Erich). By '88 he was a full blown babyface, and I can't recall how that came about but by Christ this was an amazing babyface Michael Hayes performance. His babyface energy was off the charts here and people were bonkers for him. It would be hard to imagine these two being running buddies five years earlier; hard to imagine a point in time where these Texas crowds were going ballistic for Hayes being the one getting his clock cleaned. He threw some awesome punch combos while Buddy pinballed all over the shop for him, including a sequence early where Hayes popped him off the apron and Roberts landed on the announcer's table. Hayes stomps a mudhole in Roberts in the corner like the herald of Stone Cold and then moonwalks into the middle of the ring and I think someone fainted in the crowd. They brawl around the floor and Hayes clobbers Buddy in the back of the head with a chair and you almost cover your eyes knowing what you know about CTE in the year 2022. This was about seven minutes all in, and I loved it when I watched it 10+ years ago and I'm glad it was as great as I remembered. 

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