The Fabulous Ones (x2)

Fabulous Ones v The Moondogs (Memphis, 6/13/83)

A total riot. There was no slow build here, none of the Fabs' usual entrance with the bow ties and tuxedos, high-fiving fans as 'Everybody Wants You' blared through the Mid-South Coliseum. They stormed the ring while the lights were still off and for the next ten minutes these guys tried to murder each other. I had this at #15 on the Memphis set, but as a match it barely goes two minutes. As soon as the bell rings it's carnage, then two minutes later Jerry Calhoun gets hit with a chair and a plank of wood and the match is thrown out. I guess everything after that is technically the post-match. Still, like your concession stand brawls and empty arena fights it was included on the set as a match, it was ranked as a match, and so it's only fair I judge it as a match. I don't make the rules. But yeah, it's mayhem from start to finish. Everybody gigs and gets assaulted with bits of furniture, including Calhoun who is walloped about a dozen times by everybody involved. He keeps trying to interject and ends up getting smacked with a chair or stabbed with a table leg. I don't think I've ever seen a match make better use of a table, in fact. Nobody took a bump through it, instead it got hurled in the ring early and from there everybody kept coming back to rip a piece off and use it as a weapon. At one point a Moondog just dropped the full thing on Steve Keirn's back, and you know it sucked because it was clearly one of those bulky fuckers that weighed a ton. Like the mahogany dining table your granny had, just dropped clean on top of someone. Randy Hales was furiously ringing that big bell to try and stop the madness and Steve Keirn grabbed it like "mate will you shut the fuck up with that?" and bonked a Moondog in the head with it. Lane diving off the apron onto a Moondog's back was amazing, perhaps only slightly topped by Keirn trying to gouge an eye out with a splintered 4x4. Memphis did these out of control alley fights better than anybody and this was right out the top drawer.


Fabulous Ones v Nick Bockwinkel & Mr. Saito (AWA, 10/18/84)

Christ, is Gene Kiniski the worst guest referee in history or is Gene Kiniski the worst guest referee in history. It's like he can't decide if he wants to get in everybody's face and be overly authoritative or be blind as a bat and miss all the shenanigans going on around him. Sometimes you get both at the same time, which is really when he's at his worst. I'm usually not bothered about ex-wrestlers trying to grab a bit of spotlight when they're on referee duty, but Kiniski is super awful. Then again, I kind of love how both teams used his woefulness to their advantage at various points in the match. As soon as he got in Bockwinkel's face you knew Saito was coming over to stand on Keirn's neck, really doing it in a way where you knew HE knew he shouldn't be doing it at all, then when Kiniski would spend four hours threatening to pop Saito Bockwinkel would choke away. The Fabs pulled some phantom tag shtick as Bock would bitch away at Kiniski, always making sure to clap loudly so it sounded like a tag was made. Bock was about ready to flip so Keirn dragged Saito into the corner and gave Lane a big exaggerated tag, just to show Kiniski they were playing it by the book (of course Kiniski didn't allow it and made them do it again because I guess Lane's foot was touching the rope or something). At other points you'd get both Saito and Bockwinkel in the ring at the same time and Kiniski would be like oh no stop only one of you can be in here, then Lane would make the tag and Kiniski would disallow it for whatever reason. He's the Mike Dean of pro-wrestling guest referees. Saito was probably my favourite guy in this. You knew we were getting a Saito/Lane martial arts showdown. You knew Saito was gonna try and pull some funny business. Both happened and I loved Saito grinning like an idiot as he bowed in respect, but of course Lane wasn't having it and Saito was left fuming. There was also a great bit where he caught one of Lane's kicks and turned it into a perfect dragon screw, which I'd guess was one of the only times this AWA crowd had seen that move in person. Lane basically no-sold it, but he rolled through quick enough that I guess you could say he went with the momentum so the leg never got twisted, plus it led straight into an enziguri that bumped Saito to the floor. The finish with Lane and Keirn doing the switcheroo came off great as well, and Keirn's small package looked perfect. Nobody was getting out of that.