Tuesday 24 March 2020

Everybody Pays the Piper

Roddy Piper v Mr Perfect (WWF, 12/28/90) - GREAT

This was a total blast. For two guys with such profiles who were around for as long as they were I don't think I've ever seen a singles match between them before. Though I guess they were only in the same place together for relatively short periods of time, and even then you had situations like Piper being active while Hennig was in temporary retirement ('92 WWF) or Hennig practically being a rookie while Piper was in Portland. But this is the first in a series that ran into 1991, and even if the matches are all largely the same with a few wrinkles thrown in, it was a ton of fun. I liked this one the most. It starts out with Perfect spitting and slapping his gum away, Piper responding by spitting his right in Perfect's face, Piper then blocking a punch and spending the next few minutes beating Perfect up and down the place. He flings Perfect about by the hair, unloads some awesome punch flurries, rips his singlet, bonks him with a chair and casually jabs him with his five star finger poke to the eye. It was almost beyond the pale and if the face-heel dynamic was switched he probably could've worked the exact same stretch to big time heat. Perfect takes over by throwing Piper's head into an exposed turnbuckle and we even get some chair shot payback with a nasty jab to the throat, all while Hebnar runs around screaming like an irate supermarket employee trying to stop Perfect from purchasing one too many toilet rolls. Finish is whatever, but the last few minutes were hot and we got some huge nearfalls. Quite the rarity, but as much fun as a match-up like this promises.


Complete & Accurate Hot Rod

Wednesday 11 March 2020

I've started watching the entire Eddie Guerrero in WWE run. Again.

He was very good, brothers and sisters.


Eddie Guerrero v Rob Van Dam (Judgment Day, 5/19/02)

I've watched this feud in its entirety over the last few days and it's been a pretty enjoyable trip down memory lane. I don't know if Eddie is Van Dam's best opponent ever, but there's at least a good chance he's the guy who made all of that Rob Van Dam offence look the best. Well not the Candice Michelle forearms as I don't think anybody is going to make those look good, but he'll absolutely lean face-first into all of the kicks and he's really great getting into position for the three dozen spots that involve RVD doing a forward roll or backflip as a setup. This also had a pretty cool layout. It starts out with Van Dam being too slippery for Eddie, so Eddie takes a powder while raging in Spanish. In their Backlash match the previous month Eddie spent a chunk of time working over RVD's back. This time they flip it and Van Dam works over the back of Eddie. I really liked some of the ideas here, like Van Dam doing his corner shoulderblocks bit only with Eddie turned towards the turnbuckles so the target is the lower back. They do a surfboard sequence where Eddie tries to claw his way to the ropes, forcing Van Dam to dig him in the ribs to secure his arms, and the way he propelled Eddie in the air with his legs looked pretty impressive. Eddie also takes three of his best in the business monkey flip bumps and there was an awesome bit where RVD got him biting on a head and shoulders fake, then as Eddie was prone on the canvas Van Dam crushed him with the split-legged moonsault. Both guys attempt and miss their frog splash, which effectively works as a reset spot for the finish, and the finish itself rules. Eddie gets caught in a backslide when going for a big European uppercut, then as Van Dam throws a spin kick Eddie grabs his own backslide (honestly looked super slick and not choreographed at all), feet on the ropes, stealing the win. Probably their best match together.


Eddie Guerrero & Brock Lesnar v Rob Van Dam & Bubba Ray Dudley (RAW, 6/3/02)

How about that heel pairing for a dream team? This was really fun. Eddie's a total bump machine and moves around the ring like a man possessed, working from both below and above. When he's working over Van Dam it looks like he's taking out all that frustration at losing the Intercontinental belt, then when he's getting launched around the ring he'll get crazy height on everything. The monkey flip never fails to get a big reaction and his electric chair drop was smooth as silk. I also loved him feigning injury at the beginning before jumping RVD as his back is turned. Lesnar is another guy who makes all of Van Dam's stuff look legit, largely because he'll take those kicks flush in the mouth. Offensively Lesnar is who we know he is and it's easy to say with hindsight, but that guy was always going to be a star. He's absolutely ferocious in this and his shoulderblocks might be the best ever. He also takes an AWESOME bump off a Bubba Ray German suplex. Finishing run is short and hectic, with Lesnar hitting the F5 on Van Dam, Bubba appearing from nowhere to tackle him out his boots, and Eddie sneaking the victory with a frog splash on an already-beaten RVD.

Monday 9 March 2020

Bryan/Gulak! On Pay-Per-View!

Daniel Bryan v Drew Gulak (Elimination Chamber, 3/8/20)

What a cool little match. When I heard these two were getting a run out together on PPV I was hoping for something a bit outside the box, and for a WWE PPV this was very much outside the box. It was rough and niggly and uncooperative and nothing like anything else on the card, which I actually ended up watching almost in its entirety. At this point everything the company does feels rehearsed and hardly anything comes off as being properly organic. Liv Morgan about got her head whipped through Plexiglas on this show and it seemed less brutal than a few of these elbows. Right from the start it felt like two guys actually fighting over holds and jockeying for positions and none of it looked like they'd planned it out to the letter beforehand. Those kicks when they were fighting over the kneebar ruled, the way they laid them all in and continued to lay everything in from there. Gulak was awesome in this and in a just world it'd lead to an actual series of matches between them with logical progression and they'd maybe get twenty minutes at 'Mania to stretch the life out each other. His neck work on Bryan was so great, the mini-piledriver to start it, the nasty cravates, the hangman's neckbreaker where he spun around like he was trying to pop Bryan's head off, all of it. Obviously Bryan sold it all great and I like that was clearly taken aback by how Gulak was dishing out so much abuse. I don't know if he intended to take the German suplex the way he did or undershot a flip, but I wouldn't be surprised given his track record and holy christ did he go full Kobashi with that. Maybe the teased countout was too perfect for it to have been an ad lib. Bryan rolling out some big bombs of his own was cool too. I barely watch any WWE these days, but it feels like it's been ages since he hit a dragon suplex and that was one of the meanest Yes Locks I've seen. Give these two the Benoit/Angle Workrate spot and let them do whatever the hell they want. Or maybe not WHATEVER they want in case Bryan ends up shelved for another four years, but at least let them push the boat out. Or just let them do this again, I guess. I'd be more than happy.

Sunday 8 March 2020

DX & The Radicalz v Rock, Cactus & Too Cool

The Rock, Cactus Jack, Rikishi & Too Cool v HHH, X-Pac, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko & Saturn (RAW, 2/7/00)

Probably one of my ten favourite matches ever. This is really one of those things where everything comes together, with a rabid crowd that care about everyone involved, every participant getting to look good, it all being booked well, just the whole shebang. Too Cool and Rikishi were as hot as they'd ever be and everything they did in this ruled. Scotty does the Worm and Stephanie throws a rager on commentary about "this stupid move!" Grandmaster SEXAY puts on his goggles and hits the top rope legdrop, then Eddie trips him from the floor and when he turns around again X-Pac wheel kicks the goggles clean off his face. By the end of his heat segment he's lost his goggles, durag, wifebeater and gold chains. Truly the mark of a serious beating. Rikishi looks like he was on his way to being damn near Rock levels of overness and he has a couple amazing little exchanges, one with Benoit where he takes a German suplex on his neck, and then later he comes roaring into camera shot to thrust kick Helmsley's head off, in the process saving Rock from being Pedigreed. Rock is godlike volcanic levels of hot at this point; right up there with peak Hogan, Austin, Grandmaster Sexay and anybody else you want to bring up. Benoit and Saturn unleash the double SNOT ROCKET! X-Pac goes for the Bronco Buster and Rock clotheslines him out his boots! Rikishi with the greatest Samoan Drop ever seen! Eleven million other things! I also loved Cactus coming in and making a beeline right for Helmsley on the apron, which incites a mini riot on the floor just to ramp up the heat a little more. Only thing they whiffed on was the timing of the finish, but it's like, you know, who gives a shit? Imagine Eddie had been fit to wrestle? Holy fuck I think I need to step out the room for a minute.

Saturday 7 March 2020

Whiskey & Wrestling Turns 10!

Honestly, when I started this dumb thing ten whole fucking years ago to the very day (!!!), I half expected to stop giving a shit about it after a couple months and never go back to it. I wouldn't have thought I'd still be writing words about wrestling a full decade later. Yet here we are. And to celebrate I watched some ATTITUDE!


Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie v New Age Outlaws (Dumpster Match) (Wrestlemania XIV, 3/29/98)

What a fuckload of fun. Funk is certifiable, Foley is nuts and there are a solid handful of spots only those two would do. Road Dogg Russian leg sweeps Foley into the dumpster and then he and Billy repeatedly smash the lid off Funk and Foley's heads. Lawler: "Funk's used to that; he hits his head off the toilet seat every time he goes for a drink of water." Foley and Billy take a wild bump off a ladder into the closed dumpster and then Billy fucking powerbombs Funk off the apron into the dumpster, which was ludicrous. I don't know if it was the powerbomb that did it, but Funk crawls around later with blood up his back. Foley and the Outlaws end up backstage and Funk appears from nowhere driving a forklift. Foley DDTs Billy on the crate attached to said forklift and then Funk drops both Outlaws into another dumpster, covering the lid with the forklift. He then shouts like a maniac and throws punches at the dumpster. Funk as old man psycho is the best and someone in the crowd has a pair of tights over his head, so clearly I'm not alone in thinking that. I'd take this easily ahead of most of the overwrought propfests WWE trot out these days.


Steve Austin v Dude Love (Over the Edge, 5/31/98)

This is peak Attitude Era and maybe the perfect example of everything the WWF was about at the time. Everybody involved in it rules, as does everything they do. That goes as far back as Patterson doing the intros, where he spends about five minutes introducing Gerry Brisco and shilling Gerry's autoshop, much to everybody's disgust. Then he introduces McMahon and someone pelts him with a bit of rubbish as he's walking to the ring. Undertaker coming out just before the match starts is another great moment and you believe Ross when he says nobody does PPV like the Dubya Dubya Eff. Pretty much all he does is skulk about like a big creepy nightclub bouncer, but you buy his presence alone keeping McMahon from going into full fuck it mode and just screwing Austin out the belt. Then his proper involvement later is amazing. First five minutes are fairly bland, honestly. What they're doing it fine and everything but it's not until they take it to the floor when things pick up, although Vince making Austin break clean and Austin flipping him the double bird was amazing. There are a few shots of Vince throughout the match where he has a look of pure hatred on his face and the way he looked sick to death of Austin at that moment was incredible. When Patterson "reminds" us that it's no DQ the match gets awesome. Even JR and Lawler on commentary rule and JR is apoplectic every time Patterson adds another stipulation. "What? WHAT?! Since when?! That isn't fair!" Austin launches Foley across the timekeeper's table, which wipes out Brisco, then about kills Foley with a clothesline over the barricade and wades into the crowd with the middle fingers up. Everybody just goes ballistic and there really was nobody else like him. The way he moves, how he conducts himself, he was ten thousand percent redneck fury. He stomps on Brisco as he's climbing back over the rail, which obviously ruled, and then a few minutes later Gerry gets up waving the timekeeper's hammer to make sure we all know he's fine. All the stuff on the ramp and up by the cars is great; Austin's backdrop on the hood of one car where he smashes the windshield, Foley doing a fucking sunset flip off a car hood, his attempt at a running elbow drop off another hood, Austin getting thrown off the roof of a car and about hurling himself ten feet across the concrete. For a guy with chronic neck issues he was pretty nuts with the bumping. Final stretch back in the ring brings it down to earth a bit, but those final two minutes are absolute perfection. Undertaker chokeslamming Patterson through the table was biblical and then he does the same to Brisco. McMahon taking the ridiculous chairshot, Austin hitting the Stunner and using Vince's limp hand to count -- all one big example of overbooked madness done perfectly. Probably the gem of WWF's most iconic run as a company.


Owen Hart v Ken Shamrock (Dungeon Match) (Fully Loaded, 7/26/98)

What an awesome little seven minutes (if it even went that long). They totally nail the ambiance here as Shamrock enters the legendary Hart Family Dungeon from upstairs and then they proceed to batter fuck out each other the entire time. It felt like a super gritty, nasty fight, and the close up camera work really let us hear the smack on every hit. Some of the bits where they're ramming each other into the wall were brutal and the part where Owen was smashing the back of Shamrock's head into it looked like a Scorsese murder scene. Owen swings from a pipe in the ceiling to apply a headscissors, then Shamrock does it and Owen reverses it into a powerbomb. Owen grew up in this dungeon, he knows how to use the environment to his advantage and Shamrock trying that shit is a fool's errand. He also gives Shamrock a German suplex and every flat back bump they take looks wild because there's no mat on the floor. Shamrock reversing the Sharpshooter into the ankle lock looked killer and Owen throwing him up so his head goes through the ceiling about had me on the floor. Every strike was snug and Owen clobbering Shamrock with a - gimmicked - dumbbell at the finish was amusing if nothing else. This ruled very much. 

Thursday 5 March 2020

Bret and Diesel RUMBLE in Tampa

Diesel v Bret Hart (Royal Rumble, 1/22/95)

I remember there was a point where I thought this was maybe one of the ten best WWF matches ever. 2008 feels so very long ago. I don't recall exactly WHY I liked it so much and there's no way I'm going back to read whatever nonsense I was writing twelve years ago. Since then I have watched many many hours of Battlarts and Tenryu and skeezy lucha indies that run shows in abandoned post office buildings, so it would stand to reason that this type of match isn't something I'll lose my marbles over in the year 2020. And I'm not sure if it's a great match or anything but I did still like it a lot; probably the most of any Bret/Diesel match as the Survivor Series one kind of bored me to tears last time. I'm a sucker for matches built around dueling body part work. This was mostly pretty standard limbwork and around midway in I thought they'd given up on it. Diesel either forgets or chooses not to sell his leg for a little while, but to his credit he at least picks it back up again as the match goes on, and then they add the back/ribwork on Bret, and both remain factors basically right until the end. Technically there's no true payoff to it, but that's because the match itself doesn't have a true payoff (what with the melee at the end resulting in a no contest). Overall it was good stuff though, and actually felt like bits of strategy. I think I like Bret Hart again, guys. I mean it's not that I ever actively disliked him, it's just that I guess for a while I didn't really care about watching or talking about him, especially when he was never a personal favourite to begin with. But I've watched a decent chunk of Bret Hart lately and he's been fairly impressive in most of it. This is the best performance of the lot as he absolutely carries the load. A friend of mine said not long ago that we always think of Bret as this guy who is Very Good at Wrestling and does everything super solidly, but beyond that isn't one of those Little Things Wrestlers. Or something to that effect. And I'm someone who would fall into that category, but lately I'm wondering if maybe he isn't better at The Little Things than he gets credit for (like, I watched the Summerslam match with Lawler the other night and at one point he pulled the strap down, and he absolutely knew what that meant and it ruled like fuck). He was always good at little subtleties in his selling, for example, and some of what he did in this was really cool. He works more heelish as Diesel is BIG DADDY COOL AW YEAH and the face of the New Generation, but he's obviously less established than Bret so it makes sense. Bret goes to the leg early and uses the figure-four at a few points. He wraps the leg around the post a bunch and refuses to break clean several times. I love him pointing to his ear like "what's that? I can't hear you there" as Hebnar tries to force the break. I completely blanked on him using his wrist tape to tie Diesel to the post and stomp his head in but man that was fucking inspired. And of course I loved him just smashing Diesel's leg with a chair as it was wrapped around the post, which led directly into him finally trying the Sharpshooter (and that elicited some proper boos, whereas before the crowd were pretty firmly on his side). Diesel's work on the back/ribs is decent enough and leads to a couple cool spots, including an Argentine backbreaker which is a move that doesn't get rolled out enough, and there was a great bit where he broke out of yet another figure-four by just punching Bret in the chest. There was also a really cool sense of escalation and it played into some great payback spots. Bret hit a tope early in the match, then later tried a plancha, but this time Diesel caught him and drove him back-first into the post. Diesel mostly wrestled clean, but after Bret pulled that with the chair there was a chance later on for Diesel to get revenge. Bret was caught in the ropes by his leg, so Diesel grabbed the chair (selling his leg as he dropped down off the apron, which was neat) and went to batter him with it, but Bret managed to free himself in time. Then in one of my favourite bits of the match he noticed Diesel putting the chair away again and started rolling around on the mat holding the leg that had been tangled in the ropes. When Diesel went to pick him up Bret hooked him in a small package, and for a crowd that was dead as a doorknob early on they bit entirely on that nearfall. I even liked the booking of the interference. Shawn's run in allowed Diesel to score the visual pinfall, then Owen's saved Diesel from potentially submitting to the Sharpshooter. Owen removing the turnbuckle pad and Bret taking his sternum bump in the corner ruled too. Bret totally sold the hell out of it and made it look like he'd been shot in the chest. AND it led to Diesel trying to ram Bret's head into it shortly after - in a clear departure from him wrestling squeaky clean - only for Bret to kick him in the leg and ram HIS head into it instead. Really cool layout, easy story to follow, a perfectly good performance from Nash and a pretty dang great one from Hart. And that, friends, was a whole lot of words.

Monday 2 March 2020

Michaels v Jannetty; Michaels v THE KID

Shawn Michaels v Marty Jannetty (RAW, 5/17/93)

Has there ever been a tag team split in which the heel continues wearing the same ring gear as they did when part of the tag team? Reigns still wears the body armour and Shield getup. Santana continued wearing the Strike Force trunks after Martel turned on him. Jannetty is wearing the exact same tights he wore in that Orient Express match from the '91 Rumble. I can't think of an example of the opposite (unless you count Jannetty turning heel three years later and still continuing to wear Rockers gear). Anyway this was alright. They cut a nice pace and I really liked how Michaels would organically get into position for things. He's still pretty vanilla on offence and easily at his best pinballing around, but either way he's good at setting up those bumps without being obvious about them. He takes a big clothesline over the top, Jannetty follows it up with a plancha, and Michaels waits right until the last second before getting up and turning to catch him. It never came off like a planned spot; his timing was good enough that he never had to stand around until Jannetty was ready to do the move, never telegraphed that Jannetty was going to do it by looking up ready to catch him. He even made the towel throw at the end look half convincing, like it maybe flicked him in the eye and it was enough for Jannetty to grab the roll-up.


Shawn Michaels v 123 Kid (RAW, 12/6/93)

Pretty badass little match. Michaels is already much better on offence here, has a much bigger move pool and generally looks more well-rounded. I guess I'd need to watch more of what he was doing between May and December to say with real confidence, but it felt like by this point he was starting to put it together as the heel he wanted to be. Even something simple like hitting a backbreaker, keeping hold of Kid, gloating a bit then hitting another backbreaker. He felt assured and it was much more engaging than the reliance on chinlocks he had for a while there (and nothing came across as wanky, like he was trying to overshadow the babyface and make everything about him, which I know people ding him for in the second heel run). Didn't hurt that Waltman was a pretty awesome bumper and willing to take all sorts of offence, including a dropkick counter to a top rope cross body and an awesome powerslam off the apron. His punches are sort of awful, all wrist across the forehead, but his kicks are great and most of them land flush. Michaels of course takes all of them in the face or ribs and makes all of them look lethal. I like these two as a match-up and this might be their best together.