Friday, 13 May 2022

We are watching some Yumi Ikeshita!

I've been watching some 80s joshi over the last week. I don't really know where to start with a lot of it and I'm not going to attempt a full chronological deep dive because that would take me fourteen years, but I did at least jump to the beginning of the decade. That seems like a sensible way to go about things, surely? Either way I'm glad I did, because it allowed me to discover Yumi Ikeshita. I had never heard of Yumi Ikeshita before. Even for someone not particularly well versed in the joshi puroresu I feel like I have a decent grasp of who's highly regarded. I don't remember ever reading anything about this woman and yet after a couple matches my feeling was "get me all of the Yumi Ikeshita, I guess." One of the most badass wrestlers ever, who despite being skinny as a rake projects a near-unmatched aura of calculating killer. One of the only wrestlers who'll twist you into a pretzel, headbutt you in face and stab you with a fork all in the one match and be amazing at each of those things. I'm sketchy on joshi's early forced retirement rules, but unlike a number of her contemporaries she never had a second run later, which means she was active for all of about six years and only thirty or so matches of hers are even in circulation. A crying shame then. However, we will take all that we have and thank the old gods and the new for such treasures, scarce as they may be. Yumi Ikeshita - we hardly knew ye. 


Yumi Ikeshita v Lucy Kayama (AJW, 2/21/80) 

So yeah, get me all of the Yumi Ikeshita. I thought this was tremendous. It was almost a cross between your classic 70s NWA title formula (wrestled by bantamweights) and a lucha title match, if one of the participants was some sort of warp speed Abdullah the Butcher-Javier Llanes mishmash. The first half was outstanding with some first class grappling. I think one of the things I value most in wrestling at this point is the sense of struggle and this always felt like a struggle. Each reversal, every hold, they were crisp but always maintained the feeling of being fought over. Some of it also looked cool as fuck and at the end of the day that's always a bonus. Ikeshita's rolling key lock for example was maybe the slickest I've ever seen without it looking like the opponent is having to actively do any of the rolling. When it wasn't beautiful it was brutal and that worked just as well, like Ikeshita wrapping her hands around Kayama's throat and basically dragging her around the ring. At some point Ikeshita pulls a fork and gets to stabbing Kayama in the head, which was a little jarring (and perhaps unfortunate because it means no more matwork) but I'll be fucked if it didn't work for me at the same time. The vampire in me wanted buckets of blood but I suppose we make do. It builds to a couple big revenge spots as Kayama finally steals the fork and goes wild, then Ikeshita grabs a chair and bonks both Kayama and the referee, who thankfully decides not to throw out the match for whatever reason. We get two big dives and that thing about piledrivers not meaning anything in joshi is maybe a 90s thing because wouldn't you believe it, this actually ends on a piledriver! This ruled and Ikeshita is definitely on the watch as much of her as you can list. 


Yumi Ikeshita & Mami Kumano v Tomi Aoyama & Lucy Kayama (AJW, 3/80) 

What the fuck was this?! I don't even know where to start but it was certainly something. Ikeshita is fucking amazing, just a skinny yet outrageously menacing presence, all violence all the time, never to be trifled with. I've literally never seen a Yumi Ikeshita performance that wasn't awesome (in all of the half dozen that I've seen). Her and Kumano are clearly the heels and I guess Aoyama and Kayama are the plucky babyfaces. They were quick in a way that you'd call SUDDEN. Just full steam ahead and borderline rabid, but rabid in the endearing sort of way because everyone in attendance is screaming their head off for them. Of course they HAD to be a little rabid or Yumi Ikeshita would merely headbutt them into oblivion. This is 2/3 falls and the first fall was really fun and super hectic. I love how Kumano and Ikeshita don't even wait half a second before coming to the other's aid. There was one bit where Kayama landed on her feet off an attempted Ikeshita flapjack and before she could throw a punch Kumano was in booting her in the stomach. Aoyama and Kayama hit a couple nice double teams and then go fuck it, drag Kumano to the floor and try to strangle her with a microphone chord. That leads to them picking up the fall with a killer assisted splash that for a second there looked like it could've ended catastrophically for one or maybe all of those involved. The final two falls were madness of the highest order and Ikeshita was like a pig in mud. They run an injury angle where Aoyama appears to tear her ACL while trying to apply a Boston Crab, then Kayama comes in and shields her from being stomped senseless. So Ikeshita and Kumano stomp BOTH of them senseless! People are going ballistic and trainees in tracksuits try to intervene and Yumi Ikeshita is just fucking whomping every single one of them. Some athletic trainer starts pulling on Aoyama's leg like a cartoon character trying to open a door and I question his credentials because that is the last thing you want to do with a ruptured ACL and Ikeshita grabs him by the hair and fucking launches him out the ring! And you're thinking "okay this is clearly going to a stoppage," but they actually clear the ring again and Ikeshita and Kumano level the falls. And then they start the third fall despite Aoyama being unable to move, many tracksuited trainees are manhandled by the skinniest woman in the building, someone in a suit and earpiece gets awkwardly thrown through the ropes (by guess who), the woman on commentary is in tears, every child in the building is shrieking herself hoarse, then Aoyama finally manages to roll out the ring but Ikeshita has the brass to pin Kayama for the win after she ends up getting battered instead. Yumi Ikeshita is the by god truth and this was an incredible spectacle.

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