Thursday, 23 February 2012

Oh, Marty. I Wish You Saved Yourself From Yourself

Marty Jannetty & 123 Kid v The Headshrinkers (Wrestlefest, 1/11/94)

Oh, fuck! Dream match! Waltman and Marty were two of the best guys in the company in '94, and the Headshrinkers might be the best tag team. This got ten minutes and totally ruled like I hoped it would. There are some GREAT kicks in this. Waltman throws a few roundhouse kicks that look like they'd just shatter your jaw, and both Samu and Fatu rattle Jannetty's brains with side kicks. Great spot where Jannetty rams Samu's head into the steps, but Samu just shakes it off (he's Samoan and has an indestructible head) and cracks him right under the chin. Kid and Marty try and work the arm and make quick tags so Fatu just punches Kid in the nose and flattens him with a fatboy powerslam. He looked disgusted that a 70 pound girl would even try that. Marty is a really good FIP, taking a sweet inside-out bump off a Fatu clothesline (which is a cool role reversal since Fatu always loved to take that bump when he'd get clotheslined) and sells the shit out of getting choked with the tag rope. He and Samu have a nice sequence early on where they do a criss-cross spot with Marty dropping down and catching Samu with a monkey flip. When they get back up they do it again, but this time Samu drops down and tries to monkey flip Marty, except Marty is hip to it and just punches him in the face instead. Apparently Samu getting hanged in the ropes is a signature spot of his, because he does it again here. Maybe I should feel guilty about loving that spot so much since it wound up mutilating Mick Foley and turning him into a hideously deformed freak, but I'll assume the ring ropes in the WWF were more forgiving than the ones in Germany that ripped Foley's ear off. So I will continue to love that spot. Headshrinkers should've been on every show WWF ran, every week of every month in 1994 (although I think they turn face soon...that's mildly disappointing).

Marty Jannetty v Johnny Polo (RAW, 1/31/94)

We were supposed to get Kid/Polo here, but Waltman picked up a knee injury and had to drop out of the rumble (for SPARKY PLUGG...did that have one or two 'G's? I forget), and he's still on crutches this week so we get no Kid/Polo match after all. Instead we get Jannetty/Polo while Kid joins McMahon and IRS at the announce table (this is when RAW had a different guy next to Vince on commentary every week. Irwin was fine when he wasn't making crappy tax cheat jokes. He's no Savage, however). I wish Jannetty managed to stay cohesive enough to have a really good run in the WWF, because he can still GO at this point. This was pretty good. I find myself coming around to Levy. ECW Raven does nothing for me, but after watching a bunch of WCW Raven recently and this WWF stuff where he acts like an obnoxious shithead, I get the sense I'd rather watch 1998 Raven or 1994 Johnny Polo than 2012 Naomuchi Marufuji or Fergal Devitt. He blows a backdrop pretty hilariously, but he redeems himself with a nasty crotching on the top rope, and the opening bit where Jannetty ties his feet together with the microphone chord ("I believe this is the first time on Monday Night RAW we've seen a microphone chord used in an offensive capacity" -- Vince, obviously) while he stumbles and stooges was a nice comedy spot. I don't think Jannetty lasts much longer before getting fired (again?), but I'm hoping he gets to wrestle someone like Owen or Bam Bam (or Bastion Booger or ADAM BOMB) before he goes, because that could be the shit.

Marty Jannetty v IRS (RAW, 2/7/94)

This was about as good as IRS/Savage, which I'm content with. Came about after Kid stole Irwin's briefcase the week before and Marty came to his little buddy's aid, and then there was some shit with Razor Ramon and his gold chains. This happened because of that. Marty controls early then Irwin throws him into the ring post and Marty takes an aaaaawesome bump. He goes head-first into it then flies in the air and spins around before coming back down and landing on his face. Looked like he came zooming out of a huge water slide and tried to hit the pool below as awkwardly as he could. Irwin is sweating PROFUSELY after about 45 seconds. He's like the guy at the wedding that spends the whole night dancing and by the end his shirt is completely drenched in sweat. If he's wearing a pale blue shit, by the end of the night it's turned navy. I can't imagine wrestling in a shirt and suspenders being all that comfortable. Actually, why does he never use his tie or suspenders to choke his opponents? It feels like every IRS match in existence has an extended headlock spot where he puts his feet on the ropes for leverage, but it'd be much more fun if he used his uncomfortable wrestling attire to his advantage. The Quebecers and Johnny Polo come out at some point (Quebecers come out twice -- first time they get sent back to the dressing room), then Razor comes out, and I was figuring this would set up a Razor/Jannetty v Quebecers match. Polo trips Marty as he's trying to slingshot himself from the apron into the ring (I'm assuming he was going for a slingshot clothesline or something), and Marty takes it by almost landing on the side of his neck. After the match Razor cleans house, and sure enough he and Marty challenge the Quebecers to a match. Later on in the show Vince tells us it's going to happen in two weeks time, but I'm not sure Marty lasts long enough to take part in it. If he does then I'm STOKED. If he doesn't then they should have the Headshrinkers kill jobbers.

1994 WWF Project

No comments: