Hulk Hogan v Terry Funk (WWF, 12/7/85)
This was a shit load of fun. Funk is unbelievable here and he really is the greatest Mentos in a Coke bottle there's ever been. No pro wrestling ecosystem is safe - you drop Funk into it and it fundamentally takes a turn for a wild. He's a lodestone for stupidity and ridiculousness and everything around him is drawn into this whirlwind that his very presence creates. This was basically the Terry Funk show and Hogan plugged his stuff into it, and that is not a criticism of Hogan whatsoever because he did it pretty much perfectly. I mean it can be easy to be overwhelmed by Funk. I've seen otherwise really good wrestlers not know how to play off Funk or at times basically cede full control and just let him dictate both the broad and intricate strokes. That can still be awesome because Funk is good enough to make it work, but it's more fun when there's a bit of collaboration. The early parts have Funk run through several bits of shtick while Hogan leans all the way into it, hitting his beats like he's been doing this all his life. Funk gets popped off the apron while he's embroiled in a shouting match with a fan, then Hogan drops an elbow on Funk's cowboy hat before throwing it away like a frisbee. Hogan spits on Funk and Funk, openly disgusted, reels off a string of "motherfucker", "son of a bitch" and "bastard" with another few variants thrown in there. They do a couple rope-running sequences, the first ending with Hogan dropping to the mat and Funk tripping over him, almost flying clean out the right, righting himself just to turn around and get clotheslined out instead. When they do it again it's Funk who drops down, but Hogan just steps on him and continues running the ropes, back and forth five times, stepping on Funk at every pass before Funk has to slink out the ring. I think my favourite thing about Funk's 80s WWF run is how much he absolutely terrorised Gorilla Monsoon and this time he threatens to welly him with a branding iron. Monsoon ripped the headset off and stood up like he wanted to fucking kill him. I'm convinced this was an ongoing rib on Funk's part and he never told Monsoon what he was going to do, but Gorilla is amazing playing off him every time. This is a giant of a man who was once presented to the world as a monster so you know he isn't about to back down just because he's traded out the singlet for the headset. The criss-cross spot is amazing and nobody does a criss-cross spot like Funk, as Hogan just stops running and Funk continues back and forth and by the end he's blowing out his arse while the whole Spectrum laughs at him. Even when he takes over Funk is a madman, jumping off tables to hit an axe handle, choking Hogan with wrist tape, stepping on his face and grinding the sole of the boot across forehead. I loved Hogan's reversal of the sleeper and even using headbutts during the comeback (not really a Hogan staple), then Funk tries to use the branding iron only for it to backfire, much to the crowd's pleasure. Hogan rocking the powder blue tights/boots and red kneepads combo is also very SWANK and he should've worn them more often.
Hulk Hogan & Junkyard Dog v Terry & Dory Funk (WWF, 3/8/86)
Aa you can imagine, this is another really fun match. Terry is full bonkers and it even rubs off on Dory, who stooges and acts the fool to a much greater degree than normal for him. Before the bell Terry is raving like an idiot and starts whacking the announcer's table with the branding iron so Gorilla grabs it and stands up like he's about to do something. The place erupts and of course Terry recognises this as something that can generate even more heat, so he goes outside and squares up to Monsoon and Monsoon takes the headset off like he's about to DO SOMETHING and Lord Al even has to rein him in! The place erupts again I would pay you money for a Terry Funk v Gorilla Monsoon match right this second. Just five minutes of Terry horse shit before Gorilla finally punches him in the mouth. Terry winding up Gorilla is honest to god some of the best shtick in WWF history and an actual payoff would've been incredible. Terry was even more comedy here than usual. He's out on the apron and Hogan bonks his head off the post, so Terry stumbles all the way along the apron and goes head-first into the opposite post. Every so often he'll leave the ring and shout at fans, then one of them throws something at him so he makes to jump the railing and when he can't do that he just starts booting the guard rail. When Dory manages to calm him down Terry gets his feet tangled in some cables and falls on his arse. They do another criss-cross spot, this time with Hogan and Dory, Hogan stops and Dory keeps running, then Terry comes in and tries to catch Dory but effectively ends up running the ropes along with him. When Dory realises he's been HAD he tries to dropkick Hogan and misses hilariously while Hogan points at him like "get a load of this jackass." If you need serious competition in your wrestling then this probably won't be for you, but I could watch this Terry (Funk, not Bollea) all day and I had a blast with it. I thought it did need a little more peril, though. As a light-hearted affair it certainly worked, but there were a couple points where it looked like the Funks were about to get some heat on Hogan or JYD but then they'd just make their comeback and tag out. Funk trying to hang JYD over the rope with a bullwhip at the finish is sort of gross, though I'm sure Hogan making the save was provided as evidence that he is NOT a racist when they took him to court for repeatedly calling someone the N word on a voice recording. "I can't be racist, I saved JYD from a lynching!" Pro wrestling is the most ridiculous shit when you really think about it.
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