WWE Royal Rumble Cherry-Pickin'

The Rumble is one of two big wrestling shows that I still make a point of watching each year and this year's looked like a pretty awesome event on paper. I watched it with a friend and my brother and by the end we were pretty well tanked up (we even watched the pre-show so all told that was like, what, sixteen hours of hard liquor?), and on the whole I thought it delivered a fun time.

Bryan/AJ felt like a match that might've been good but I really didn't care too much about it and on a rewatch I wound up thinking it was the fifth best match on the show. The Miz/Shane tag was whatever but it had an amusing enough ending and Shane looking like he was due to keel over and die was sort of funny maybe. Women's rumble was rough for the first third, then there was a middle third that picked up a bit, and the final third brought it home really well. I haven't watched a lot of Tamina but she does not seem...good. Rhea Ripley looked pretty awesome and the Kacy Catanzaro stuff was fun, especially the spot where she slithered her way up the ring post back into the ring (even if those spots are sort of tired at this point. I mean, "both feet must touch the floor" is being taken more literally than ever and if your whole ass body is chucked out you should probably be eliminated). Becky shouting "put me in, Fit!" and Finlay being all fuck it then go on and the pop ruled. I still figured Charlotte was winning so it was a cool moment when Becky actually pulled it off. I was a wee bit worried when Becky tapped clean as a sheet for Asuka, but in fairness they've managed to book the top women's feud(s) super well the last few months so I'll believe they can continue that going forward. Men's rumble had a Jeff Jarrett appearance and by the end I was rubber enough that I couldn't even remember Nia Jax being in there elbowing folk in the mouth. Rollins winning is a bummer because he is rubbish but Lesnar managed to kill it with Finn Balor so I have a little bit of faith that he can drag something decent out of Seth. I wanted a Velveteen Dream appearance and when I didn't get one I was bummed.


Asuka v Becky Lynch

This had a solid enough first five minutes and they had some nice ideas, though it felt a bit back and forth and didn't totally grab me. Asuka paintbrushing Becky and Becky looking at her like "okay we're doing this now?" was a cool moment. I'm definitely behind Becky getting the big push and think it's awesome how she's gotten herself mega over, but a bunch of her facial expressions can be pretty hokey and I think overall she's a step behind a few of the other women. Still, this picked up when she started going for the Disarm Her and I liked Asuka's sell of the arm for a while after that, especially from the armbar under the turnbuckle bolt. Asuka looked badass here, bunch of really snug strikes and she made those that missed look like she was trying to actually connect, really making Becky work for everything. She also had a few big hip attacks and took a couple nasty bumps, especially the neckbreaker/fisherman buster off the apron that both women crashed hard and awkward on. The struggles over each submission attempt towards the end looked appropriately ragged and Asuka doing a chickenwing Cattle Mutilation was a great finish. I probably wouldn't have had Becky tap clean, but I don't see it hurting her too much and if they're serious about building Asuka back up then fair fucks.


Ronda Rousey v Sasha Banks 

The Rousey train keeps on rolling and this was the best Sasha's looked in aaaaages. I was hyped for this and it totally delivered. Everything around the arm was great. Sasha had a bunch of awesome and nasty looking ways of working it over and Rousey continues to be the best seller in the company. The ringpost spot to set it up was killer just for the visual of Ronda literally punching the lights out and she really never looked back from there. She had lots of great little moments around that busted up hand/arm, like throwing punches primarily with her left hand and never being able to throw rights without impunity (and she only threw a couple before abandoning the idea anyway), climbing the ropes using only her left hand, visibly leaving it hanging close by her side -- she never let you forget it was hurt and once or twice it prevented her from grabbing a submission she'd ordinarily have no trouble locking in. Sasha had about as many of those great little moments working from above and some of it was downright Finlayish. Stomps to the hand and fingers as Ronda tried to rope break the Banks Statement, using her own ring attire to get some extra torque on the crossface (as she was selling her own arm at the same time), driving her knee into Ronda's forearm as she tried to pull herself up by the rope. That armbar where she about had Rousey's elbows touching behind her own back was fucking disgusting, then she went even beyond that by adding in the joint-manipulation and finger-bending. I haven't really been interested in Sasha for quite a while, but it looked like she held a lot of this together on the offensive and it was a quality performance from her. Bunch of other cool parts as well, like Sasha hitting a tope early then trying it again later only to be caught and dragged into the armbar, and this might've been the best Rousey's throws have looked yet, she was just whipping Sasha around the ring one-handed and Sasha was snapping into bumps like a pro. Ronda's shit talking ruled yet again and the first time she picked Sasha up she made it clear that this was for all the folk who said she couldn't wrestle. It's still kind of amazing how she'll keep finding ways to hurl herself into submission attempts - like the cross armbreaker while draped over the top rope - and she'll bust out at least one strike per match that looks like it'd cave someone's face in. This time it was a step up knee coming off the ropes, but her body punches early on looked super tight as well and at one point she got surly and front kicked Sasha straight out the ring. Dug the finish too, especially Rousey's "this is over" exclamation between the gutwrench powerbomb and Piper's Pit. Loved this. Ronda is an absolute treasure and if she really does leave after 'Mania it'll feel like one of the biggest missed opportunities ever.


Brock Lesnar v Finn Balor 

Man, when Lesnar gives a shit that guy is unbelievable. And he clearly gave a shit here because this was a crazy fun nine minutes. I have no use for Finn Balor and his Lash LeRoux offence but I guess Lesnar decided he was worth working with and boy did Finn take his chance. Lesnar took all of his double stomps right in the guts and I love how he ate those three dives by letting Balor land with his entire weight across his shoulder and neck. He never caught Balor the way most folk would catch a dive, he just lowered his head and let himself be squashed by the wee human full speed somersaulting towards him. Lesnar's diverticulitis coming to bite him after those nasty table bumps ruled and when he can be bothered selling big for someone he's absolutely sensational at it. All of those grimaces, the "ah SHIT!" as he tried to pick Balor up for the German, even struggling to hoist him for an F5 gave Balor that extra bit of time to regroup and reverse it into the DDT. Crazy Lesnar Face making an appearance at the end as he tried to snap Balor's arm like a tree branch was fucking amazing. There have been more than a couple misses in there for sure, but ever since he came back with that Cena match in 2012, motivated and in-the-mood Lesnar is the best big match wrestler in America. This totally smashed my expectations to bits and it was one of the better sub-ten minute matches WWE's had in a while. It's also the most I've ever enjoyed Balor by some distance.