Piper Rode in from the West with an Eye for a Dollar to Make. He Pitched Us a Sale About Healing and Oil from a Snake

Roddy Piper v Hulk Hogan (WWF, 2/18/85) - GREAT

The War to Settle the Score! Holy Toledo this is just the perfect encapsulation of Hulkamania WWF. Hogan! Piper! Madison Square Garden! All the celebrities are out, or at least a few of them! Gene and Gorilla EVISCERATING some poor bastard referee on commentary! It's the fuckin Dubya Dubya Eff, baby! Bell to bell this is probably less than 10 minutes but it's absolutely electric. It's amusing how Hogan basically does the exact same offence as Piper - punches, eye rakes, all very traditional babyface stuff, know? There was one eye rake battle that ruled where they just took turns trying to rip each other's eyes out, which Piper won as any real Scotsman who drinks in the Bay Horse or its Saskatchewan equivalent naturally would. Piper applies a sleeper and Gene and Gorilla are apoplectic at the ref' for not checking if it's a choke, then they decide for themselves that it absolutely is and that this referee is not fit for purpose. Pair a fuckin eejits, the two of them. Orton gets involved and then so does Orndorff and all hell breaks loose with Lauper getting up on the apron and Orndorff knocking her hat off and Albano having a heart attack and Mr T jumping the rail. Monsoon ponders if a man with no wrestling experience getting in there with the likes of Piper and Orndorff is wise and it's the most sense the silly bastard's made all night. Of course T gets pummelled. Orndorff has great stomps, just full of intensity with a real snap to them. When Hogan comes to again it's a full on PIER SIXER and swathes of security break it up and Cyndi Lauper is jumping around like yer da's new girlfriend who's been on the Bacardi Breezers and trying to fight yer ma and her new boyfriend. Gene interviews Hogan and Mr T and a whole bunch of other folks backstage and then talks to DANNY BY GOD DEVITO who must only be about 40 and he says he'll definitely be back to watch the professional wrestling. Piper walks in wearing a towel and spits UNHOLY FIRE and calls Hogan a piece a crap and AS GOD AS MY WITNESS PIPER IS THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL! As a match this is probably only about eight stars, but the total package? Eleven and three quarter stars. No wonder Wrestlemania did business.

Complete & Accurate Hot Rod