Thursday, 9 December 2010

"Dey Be Gettin' Plunder, Toneh!"

Chris Benoit v Eddy Guerrero (Nitro, 10/16/95)

I watched so many Eddy/Benoit matches last year that I struggle to differentiate between them all. This is the one that always sticks out, though. It's on Benoit's Hard Knocks DVD, so I think that makes it their only WCW match to get the WWE DVD treatment (and will very likely stay that way), but other than that, it's THAT powerbomb that I'll never forget. I mentioned Meng's MURDEROUS powerbomb on Eddy yesterday, but this one is even more ridiculously nasty. Match goes about 8 minutes and is probably the perfect "Nitro Style" match; they fit plenty of nifty stuff in, both guys get to bust out their spots, etc. There aren't as many momentum shifts here either, so Benoit gets a nice "run" on offence while Eddy sells the arm. Finish pays off the arm work as well, and this is just really good stuff. Gonna go back and watch the rest of their matches at some point, I think.

Chris Benoit v Kevin Sullivan (Falls Count Anywhere - Great American Bash, 6/16/96)

Okay so I don't know the exact story between these two, but I know there was some real-life drama that had something to do with Nancy and, I think, an affair with Chris. Never really bothered to look into it so I'm not gonna bother talking about it here when it all boils down to these two HATING each other, anyway. I mean this is serious hatred. Sullivan is a guy that I've never really payed much attention to as a worker other than that appearance on the Memphis set and, of course, this feud with Benoit. But I watched two matches vs. Benoit last night and I came away thinking "Man, that guy is great at going to the eyes." Eye gouges, eye pokes, eye rakes, it all looks real nasty. It's probably because he's tossed the "working" aspect out the window and he's really trying to gouge Benoit's eye out, but still. At one point there's a close up of him sticking a thumb in his eye and there's nothing half-assed about this. Looks like he's really trying to get it in there and spoon out the eyeball. I'll choose to read this as him going the extra mile to make it look real since they in amongst the crowd and everything. I'd be wrong, but it won't be the first time. There's basically tonnes of instances of Sullivan doing shit - not limited to going for the eyes - that one could choose to read as him being an unprofessional douche. But then again Benoit is banging his wife. Is he? I don't know. Benoit goes along with it all and seems harrowingly willing to take as hideous a beating as Sullivan wants to give him, and from time to time he'll decide to give it right back. It's probably also the definitive "Dusty spazzes out on commentary" show as he is just totally hilarious at several points. Starts out with Benoit clotheslining Sullivan right in the face as Sullivan's making his way towards the ring, and then they just start punching the crap out of each other. Before long (like, a minute) they're in the crowd and heading up the steps. There's no "I'll grab your hair and walk you wherever I want to take you while you do nothing about it" bullshit like you see in Japan all the time these days; they're punching each other in the face and FIGHTING their way up the step. Then they wind up in the bathroom. Benoit really takes a horrendous beating. Sullivan eats a shot off a cubicle door and kinda gets thrown into a wall, but Benoit's taking full throttle shots to the head with a cubicle door, getting launched into walls and repeatedly having his eyes poked and gouged at. Dusty drops this corker: "Taskmaster is in his element, right here in the john, if you will, right here in Baltimore, Maryland." Six stars. Then Sullivan tries to stick Benoit's head in a urinal and we get the classic "HEAD FIRST IN THE COMMODE!" line from Schiavone. Any other time and that's bound to be the line of the night, but a few seconds later Dusty spies some woman and he completely flips. "THERE'TH A LADEH! THERE'TH A LADEH IN THE MEN'TH BATHROOM! RIGHT HERE! THERE ITH A LADEH IN THE MEN'TH JOHN RIGHT HERE IN BALTIMOW. *silence...silence* CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! SHE DONE STOPPED AWF! SHE GOT TO GET SOME RELIEF HERE, BABEH!" A million trillion stars. Back outside the bathroom they have this incredible fist fight and Sullivan is just railing off and cracking Benoit with total barfight punches right to the eye. There was one flurry that would've made Tenryu hot under the collar. This is also where they start fighting over a garbage can and Dusty's off and running about plunder. "Dey be gettin' plunder, Toneh." We're more than half way through the match at this point and you could start an honest to goodness drinking game for every time Dusty says plunder. Back down the stairs they go and Sullivan just heaves Benoit down the steps. Twice. "Boy you tawk about bad intentions in two guys' eyeballth." First time looks nasty enough, but the second time is borderline ridiculous. I mean Sullivan clearly does not give a shit. Then he goes ahead and stomps flush on Benoit's dick, just because. Dusty - "Well, uh... might'been a little low." They've really beat the piss out of each other by the time they make it back to ringside, but what's great is that they haven't once bothered to attempt a pin. And they're still hucking chairs and crotching the other on the guard rail right up until Benoit brings a table out from under the ring. "We got sut'm comin' out right here. Goin' for plunder. There's no plunder sayfe!" And then Benoit throws his plunder at Sullivan's head. Benoit sets the table up across the top turnbuckle and Dusty's all "He's tryin'a get his plunder right, nah mean?" Finish is basically a superplex from a raised platform, but even that move looks way more nasty than usual. Post-match Benoit continues the beating and Arn Anderson hits the scene. They've been teasing Arn turning on the Horsemen and joining the Dungeon of Doom for a little while and the crowd doesn't know what to make of it when Arn grabs his stable mate and tosses him off of Sullivan. Crowd thinks he's with Sullivan and Hart... then he punts Sullivan in the ribs and the crowd POPS. "This place is gone crazeh! Somebody git mah medicine." Mine too, Dream. Mine too.

Chris Benoit v Kevin Sullivan (Falls Count Anywhere - Nitro, 1/20/97)

Similar to the last match, although I definitely didn't think it was on that level. They go up to the bathroom again and this time the camera man can barely follow it because there's a mob at every entrance or exit. I mean people are just losing it. Nancy follows them this time and she's ready to assault someone with a high heel because even SHE can't get through. Camera man winds up getting stuck in amongst a crowd of rabid fans and it looks like one of those POV scenes from a zombie flick. Great moment in the bathroom where Doug Dillinger (HEAD OF SECURITY) tries to break it up and Benoit just hurls him into a urinal. Finish looks suitably nasty as well. Pretty much a weaker version of the last Falls Count Anywhere match with a different finish, but I don't recall any match in this feud that wasn't at least fun, and this is no different. Needed Dusty on commentary, though.

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